As a parent, you are constantly juggling your needs,the needs of your kids and your family. From not being able to spend enough time with your kids to not getting the to-do list done, it becomes easy to focus on all the negatives. So, how do you manage this stress in a way that is most productive for your family? Here is how!
Identify Your Parenting Strengths:
First of all, recognize that even on your absolute worst day you as a parent still have strengths and are still growing. The approach to parenting I lean on is called Developmental Parenting (Roggman, Boyce, & Innocenti, 2008). Developmental parenting explains that every parent has natural strengths and grows as their children grows. Have you ever thought about yourself as having natural strengths and growing with your child? Take a moment, think about yourself as a parent, and identify your natural strengths and where you are still growing.
- Every time you respond to your child’s words, emotions, or actions, you are practicing a strength! You may practice other strengths by smiling at your children, using affectionate nick-names, or helping your child use a new toy. Everyone has strengths in their parenting, you just have to recognize them!
Be Aware of Your Parenting Strengths:
Second, focus on the things that you are doing well. It is really easy in the hustle and bustle of life to notice all the things that you didn’t accomplish or all of the ways you didn’t meet your own expectations. However, have you ever tried to focus on all the things that you did well? How did you succeed today? What did you accomplish? Did any moments go well?
- One way to practice identifying your strengths is by keeping a ‘strengths journal.’ As you go throughout your day, try to notice even your smallest strength. Take a moment, write it down, and store it for a later time. At the end of the day, revisit your strengths journal and notice each of your victories throughout the day.
Having Strengths-Based Conversations:
Third, ask your partner or children what they think your strengths are the next time you are with them. You might be surprised what they see in you and it can give you ideas of what works well for your family. By starting this type of conversation with your family, you are inviting each person to notice each other’s strengths.
- Conversations with your family can be a great way to identify and re-emphasize your existing strengths. You can start a conversation by identifying a strength in another and then asking them to identify one of your strengths. For starters, you can tell your spouse that you noticed their extra effort to do the dishes so you could rest. You can mention to your child how you noticed their effort on their homework. Once the tone is set to positive, you then ask what strengths they noticed in you. Remember to emphasize the strength and let the negatives rest for another time.
Set Parent Goals:
In conclusion, try to implement these changes by committing to each of these steps for a short time. Set a goal for yourself to try these for a day, three days, or even a week. By trying this, you might start to notice all of the things you are doing well and focus less on the things that didn’t go quite as planned. This might be the shift that you need to help manage your stress a bit better and be the parent you know you can be.
Ty B. Aller, MMFT
